When I Miss You
by MiMaron3
Summary: "It's moments like these, when my world stops spinning, that I realize just how much I need you..."


**Disclaimer: **I do not own, or even pretend to own, the characters of Daa! Daa! Daa! So please do not sue me. That would be very bad. Much obliged. :D

**Warning:** If you've read my other works, this is something new that I wanted to try. There will be another version of this story with a happier plotline and ending, but just know that I worked hard on this, so no hate reviews, okie?

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When I Miss You

Miyu was a mess. The day had started out as total crap and it only managed to make itself worse from there. Pressing her forehead down on the bar, she sighed heavily and stared off into the amber colored liquid in front of her. What had been her first sign? There must have been something in the beginning of the day that meant that God, or whatever it was out there – Fate, Karma, the works, had meant for her to stay home today. Was it that her alarm clock had never actually gone off? But that wasn't really any different from usual, was it? Mornings sucked. They always had. Shaking her head, she continued her list. It was probably when she spilt coffee on her shirt. Flicking her green eyes down to the brown stain on her favorite blue shirt, she cringed. At least it hadn't burnt any skin. It had just been embarrassing.

After a moment more of contemplation, she placed her hands flat on the smooth wood of the bar and laughed ironically. Who was she kidding? That wasn't it either. She knew exactly what it was. Miyu picked at her left hand absent-mindedly, rubbing her disturbingly empty ring finger. It was when she realized she had lost her ring. Feeling the familiar burn of tears on the back of her eyes, she took a stuttering breath and guzzled the rest of her beer. She already had a respectable buzz and normally, this would be the point that she would stop at. But she wasn't out to get tipsy tonight. She was out to get shit-faced drunk and there wasn't a damn thing that anyone could do about it. Raising her hand, she gestured for another beer silently.

It wasn't like she hadn't seen this coming. Things hadn't _really _been working out for months now. She had convinced herself that she was just stressed about work. She had a big project coming up and she couldn't be distracted by a relationship. She had made herself believe that it was okay that she didn't want see him. Even in the best of relationships, people need space. Bullshit. A small hand placed another beer in front of her face and nearly immediately, Miyu swept it up, downing half the glass. A quick rush of sorrow bit at Miyu's eyes, forcing the tears to finally flow. She had made excuse after excuse after excuse for herself and she had gotten exactly what she had deserved. What else had she expected? She had been _dumped_. He _left _her. For her _neighbor._ How pathetic she must have seemed to them. Well, that was fine. Everything was great! So she was without a boyfriend. Who needed them? Not Miyu Kouzuki! She certainly didn't need him! She didn't need any man! Slamming her fist down on the bar, Miyu downed the rest of the glass.

_"Miyu, wake up. Wake up, Miyu!"_

Miyu growled incoherently and swatted at the air around her head. Who the hell was that and why did they insist upon waking her up? She was perfectly happy right here…. Wherever that was. Squeezing her eyes tight, she mumbled, "Go away. I didn't ask for a wake up."

"Miyu Kouzuki, get your ass up!"

She knew that voice.

Opening one eye, she cringed at the sight of the light. Yup, she had accomplished her goal. No telling when she fell asleep though. Rubbing one eye sleepily, she stretched and looked around. Well, at least no one had moved her. She was still in the same exact seat she remembered ending the night in. Well, the end of what she remembered of the night, anyway. A privilege of being best friends with the bartender, she supposed. "Nanami, it's nice to see you again."

The short-haired woman rolled her eyes and sat in the seat next to Miyu. "You make it sound like it's been ages since we saw each other." Pushing back some of Miyu's hair, she smiled slightly. "You really did yourself a number this time, sweetie. I don't think I've ever seen you drink so much before."

"That was the plan." Miyu sighed and pushed back Nanami's hand. "I figured if I was going to get that drunk, your bar was probably safest." Shifting her eyes from place to place, Miyu finally settled on the vodka behind the counter. Anywhere besides Nanami's face. Or her own left hand. Absolut, Grey Goose, Van Gogh…

"Miyu, I know it might have been safe for you socially, but drinking like this isn't-…"

Ketel, Chopin, Belvedere….

"So, you just need to tell us what's going on in your life instead of keeping us-…"

Stolichnaya, Zyr, and Hangar.

Feeling a sharp pain on her left cheek, she finally turned her attention to her best friend. Placing her hand on her cheek gently, her mouth gaped. "You slapped me?"

"Because you weren't listening to me, damn it! Miyu, I'm just worried about you! Don't tune me out!" Tears glittered in her eyes, begging to be shed. Nanami sniffed loudly and ran her palm against her eyes. Grabbing Miyu's arm, she pulled her up against her side and slung her arm around her neck. Taking a deep breath, she took a step forward. "Come on, let's get you home."

Miyu shifted her wait suddenly, making Nanami off balance. "No! I can't go home yet! She'll be there!" The duo spilled onto the floor and Nanami sighed again as Miyu cried loudly. "I don't want to see her! I can't!" Hugging her arms around her body, Miyu continued to cry. Nanami grabbed hold of her shoulders gently and hugged her tight.

"It's okay, Miyu. It'll be okay. You can come stay at my place for a little while." Oh, the pity that rang in that voice. As her best friend, Miyu knew exactly what that voice meant. And she would be the first to admit that, yes, this situation was probably a bit pathetic – or a lot pathetic – and probably warranted the tone. But that didn't mean that she had to like it.

"Don't say things like that. I don't want to hear that from you." Miyu scooted back until she hit the counter and leaned against it. "And I'm not going to push myself on you. You've just gotten married Nanami. I would feel like a total buzz kill."

Nanami sighed and pulled the blonde in for a tight embrace. "Miyu, you know that I will always be there for you when you need me, whether I've just gotten married or not. Right now, you need me." Miyu pushed her off gently. Wiping her eyes with her sleeves, she sniffed loudly. Her eyes darted from place to place, still searching for someplace safe to lay. She could practically feel the tears still pushing off the back of her eyes and it killed her to think about how weak that made her feel. So, Nanami's face was not a good place. In fact, Nanami's place wasn't a good place. Banging her head back against the counter, Miyu frowned. Where else could she go? Her options were limited. She could stay with Aya, but that would be just as bad as staying with Nanami. She could go stay with her parents… if they hadn't moved back to America. She didn't feel comfortable staying with any of her new friends. They wouldn't understand. They wouldn't know what to do. Who would know what to do with her in this state? Who wouldn't judge her for anything? Who would-…

"Kanata."

She felt, more than saw, the moment that Nanami's eyes flew open. Well, they had always been open, but for the first time, she felt Nanami really look at her. "Miyu, honey." She pushed a piece of Miyu's long blonde hair behind her ear. "You know as well as I do that I can't do that. You can't do this to yourself again."

Miyu brushed her off coldly. "I'm not doing anything to myself." Struggling to stand herself up, she frowned again. She was a lot dizzier than she thought she was going to be. "I'm going to go see him."

"Miyu! You can't!" Nanami grabbed her arm and firmly held her in place. She reached for her purse, but Miyu jerked it away quickly using as much of her concentration as she could. "Stop it, Miyu! You're being ridiculous. I won't let you drive out there to see him. You'll only regret it once you're sober." She jabbed her hand out again for the purse, but this time, the brunette managed to clench the strap and pry it off her shoulder. "You aren't going anywhere." Nanami took two steps backward before the tears started to swell again and turned away. "Go in the back room to sleep it off if you don't want to come with me."

"Why? Why won't you let me go stay with him?! It's fine! He'll understand!" Now Miyu was crying herself and she couldn't do anything but stand there, picking at her sweater.

"He won't, Miyu." The short-haired woman threw the small purse into a locker in the back and began to tread up the stairs. Waving Miyu towards her, she smiled sadly. "Come on, Miyu. You can stay here." She opened the door to her old apartment and gestured Miyu inside. "There isn't anyone living here anymore, so you can stay here until you figure out what you're going to do, okay?"

"Nanami?"

"Yes Miyu?" Miyu could feel the desperation, the exhaustion, the frustration, the pity, and the sorrow behind those words. She thought she was helpless. She thought that she had reached the end of her rope. Maybe she had, wanting to see him. But she always wanted to see him. She had never stopped wanting to see him. For her, he was the standard. Every man had to live up to him.

"I'm sorry." Her voice cracked slightly and she fought the tears off one last time.

Nanami smiled again and shut the door behind her, leaving Miyu alone with her thoughts. Maybe Nanami was right. It was a bad idea. She shouldn't go see him now. It would ruin everything. She had been doing so well; she had thought she was finally moving on. But was she really? She still compared them to him. She still wanted him. With a loud sob, she felt every tear that she had fought off through the night come storming out. Steadily, they marched down the terrain of her face, down her cheeks and lips, to her chin before they finally fell off her chin and onto the floor beneath her. Collapsing onto her knees, she cried until she ran out of tears. She cried for every failed relationship that she had had and she cried for the failed relationships that she knew were to come. She cried until she finally fell asleep.

The morning seemed to come too soon, the sunlight beaming through the open blinds and piercing Miyu's eyes. Forcing her eyes to open, Miyu looked around and rubbed her eyes. She had done worse to herself. Her hang-over was unbearable, but unbearable was almost… bearable today. She knew what she needed to do now. She needed to see Kanata. Grabbing her stuff from the back closet, she hailed herself a taxi from the street as soon as she had brushed her teeth and showered. This was it. Closure. This would be the absolute last time she saw him until she was completely over him. Sitting in the back of the stuffy taxi cab, she could almost believe herself. If it wasn't for the crashing headache and her fingernails cutting into her palms, she would have thought the battle half over.

She reached her destination sooner than she had imagined she would have, but in the end, what was 2 or 3 extra minutes of preparation? She walked through the gate quickly and kept her eyes on the ground. Don't look around, don't look at the names, don't look at the dates. Her breaths started coming faster and the beating of her heart told her that she was getting closer. She had trained herself well though. Still keeping her eyes down, she stopped suddenly. The blonde could only breathe through her mouth at this point and she felt as if her heart was practically leaping out of her chest.

Sitting down on her knees, she smelt the freshly cut grass and watched as the grey stone blurred as the tears pooled in her eyes.

_R.I.P _

_Kanata Saionji_

_Son, Best Friend, and Husband; You shall be forever missed_

_1987 - 2010_

The words were etched into Miyu's heart. Deep in her heart, they haunted her. Wiping her tears with the back of her hand, she laughed self-consciously. "Look at me, Kanata. Every time I come see you, I look a mess." She sniffed loudly. "I know that sometime I should come see you when I look nice and pretty, but…" Another sob broke through her wall and she faltered. She couldn't stand this. "I just can't seem to do it. I try. Really, I do. Next time for sure, I promise my nose will be snot-free. And my eyes will be completely normal!" Falling off her feet, she pulled her knees into her chest and rested her chin on top.

"Kanata. I lost your ring, Kanata. The one you gave me when you proposed. I searched for hours and hours. I searched for what felt like forever." Miyu bit her lip, trying to keep from crying again. Coughing slightly, she laughed nervously. "I found it eventually, back at the house, but the fact that I didn't notice it was missing scared me. I felt like I had lost you. Kanata. Oh, Kanata. I always miss you. That's an ache that never goes away, but at times like this, my world stops spinning. It's at those moments that I realize how much I still need you. I can't do this without you. I need my husband back. I need my best friend back. I keep trying to move on and I know that you didn't want me to be like this, but you know that if it had been me, you would have been exactly the same." Wiping her face again, she looked away from the gravestone towards the other names surrounded by their picturesque flowers.

Staring out into nothing, she whispered in a voice hoarse with tears, "I will always, always, always be yours."

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**Author's Note****: **There will be another version of this story with a happier plotline and ending, but just know that I worked hard on this, so no hate reviews, okie? I know this is pretty unlike anything I've written thus far, but the story just seemed to explode from my head. And we must use fuel efficiently, yes? I agree. So, here's my very first tragedy! I know you probably won't like it, but I'm putting it up anyways.

Best Wishes and Happy Reading!


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